


Travel On

by turps



Category: NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-27
Updated: 2012-01-27
Packaged: 2017-10-30 05:11:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/328108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turps/pseuds/turps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the You taste like honey, honey challenge</p>
            </blockquote>





	Travel On

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Ephemera, Nopseud and Nonchop for beta reading.

JC stumbles as he steps from the overheated car into the cold air. It's some insane hour of the morning and all he wants to do is sleep and hide away. He shivers, hands pushed deep into his pockets, head bowed against the flurries of snow, and hunches inside his jacket while arrangements are made between his driver and two burly men who carry clip boards and bark words that seem to be in some kind of code. 

Resigned to waiting, he keeps back, ass pressed against the freezing metal of the car, trying to look casual and unconcerned despite feeling anything but. It's not that he doesn't want to get on the bus, he does. Except that he really kind of doesn't too. 

It's a familiar contradiction and JC feels his stomach tighten as he looks over at the bus that looms ominously across the parking lot. For a moment he imagines he sees movement behind the windows, Justin standing looking out, hands pressed against the glass, watching as JC waits outside. Except it's dark and the windows are mirrored so seeing inside is impossible. As he keeps staring, hands fisted tight, JC knows Justin is watching anyway. 

"You can go in now...JC, I said you can go in." 

JC finally looks away from the bus when someone touches his arm. "Thanks, man." Accepting his bag from his driver, he gives a quick smile then glances at the window one last time before walking away. The nerves coiling around his body making him hurry forward, needing to get inside. 

The door opens with a hiss of air when JC approaches and he climbs aboard, swapping bitter ice-tasting wind for dry heat that painfully warms his frozen face. He busies himself with unzipping his coat with fingers made clumsy with cold and his skin prickles as he does so. JC rubs his face nervously, knowing Justin is close by the subtle change of atmosphere, the shift of air, warmth and desire and need and fear. All mixed up in a terrifying intoxicating combination that screams Justin. 

"JC." 

JC stills, anticipation and worry coiling in his belly as he hears hurried footsteps, then he's engulfed in an enthusiastic if brief hug, the type reserved for meeting close friends in public situations. Justin holds him close, their bodies jammed together as JC rests his chin against Justin's shoulder then staggers back slightly as he's suddenly released. 

After weeks of waiting it's not enough. JC craves more contact and he itches to grab hold of Justin and not let go. He doesn't; instead he plasters on his best showbiz smile, maintaining it even when Justin flinches, easily able to recognise the plastic happiness. 

"Hey," JC says and he keeps smiling as Justin looks at him, expression shuttered as he takes JC's bag, twisting the handle around his hand as he ushers him inside. As he does so the door finally closes, and all JC can think is that they're alone now. No friends, no employees, just Justin, and JC should be thankful for that. Except he's not, because today is a day for decisions, and that knowledge scares him more than he could ever say. 

Taking comfort in the familiar, JC looks around the bus. Luxurious and comfortable and so obviously Justin's. From the sneakers lying next to the couch to the book open on the counter and the games systems built under the tv, little bits of him everywhere which change an impersonal bus into a temporary home. But, as always, his gaze is pulled to Justin who leans against the counter, barefoot and seemingly relaxed and confident now. Only he's not at all. JC can tell by the almost unnoticeable tension in his stance and the tightness of his mouth, tiny signs but ones that broadcast as clearly as any words to the people that know him. 

"Are you..." 

"What..." 

They both speak at once and JC motions to Justin to go ahead. He doesn't. Instead he shakes his head, crossing the small space to JC in one step and gathers him into another hug. This one feels real as Justin holds on, arms wrapped tight as he rests his head against JC's. 

"I've missed you," Justin says quietly and JC can feel the words against his skin, warm and intimate and he lets himself relax, swaying together in an easily remembered rhythm as the bus pulls away. 

"I'm here now." JC can feel the tension leave Justin at his reply and they cling to one another, drinking in the contact and reconnecting after weeks apart. Snatched e-mails and phone calls are no substitute for the simple pleasure of being together. They stay close until, by an unspoken agreement, they break apart with a series of back slaps and sheepish grins. 

"You want something to eat? There's some leftovers I think, or there should be if Trace didn't eat them before he left." Justin heads to the fridge and opens the door looking inside. 

Aware that Justin's hiding nerves, JC protests before he's served a full meal. "I'm not hungry. It's far too early to eat anything Trace would, anyway." 

Justin looks like he's going to argue, then shuts the door with a sigh instead. "I suppose pizza isn't the best thing this early. Do you want a drink at least?" 

"Coffee would be good," JC agrees. He's awake now but a caffeine boost never comes in wrong, especially when there's a long bus ride ahead and a conversation that neither of them wants to begin. 

JC knows the words have to be said at some point but he'll delay for as long as he can, enjoying being together and pretending things are fine. It's not like it's a hard thing to do; their relationship is based on love threaded with lies after all. 

Those thoughts pushed aside for now, JC drops on one of the plush couches and kicking off his shoes, sitting cross legged with his chin resting on his hand. He watches Justin in the small kitchen, admiring the sleek way he moves, the graceful way he turns making coffee into a performance polished to perfection over many years. 

Justin hums under his breath as he carefully fills the coffee machine with water, every movement controlled as he sways with the bus while reaching for mugs. JC can't stop watching him. The way Justin's t-shirt, threadbare and washed out, rides up his stomach as he yawns and stretches wide. The soft pad of his bare feet against the floor, long toes and broad soles leading to tattooed legs JC knows almost as well as his own. The way Justin scrubs at his eyes with his fists, looking almost child-like for an instant, as he shows just how tired he really is. 

The illusion vanishes as Justin looks at JC and smiles before leaning against the counter, bright-eyed and alert once more. 

"I'm glad you came. This would have been a bitch on my own." 

"Like you couldn't have persuaded Trace to stay on, or invited someone else. Face it, no one's going to say no to twenty-four hours with Justin Timberlake." JC laughs at Justin's dismissive gesture but they both know it's the truth; Justin could have anyone. 

"Yeah, but Trace isn't you," Justin says, then turns, straightening the mugs until they're in perfect symmetry. 

The comment warms JC and he smiles to himself as the coffee slowly brews. It smells good and he breathes deep, enjoying the rich aroma that reminds him of a million other mornings spent with Justin, sometimes alone, sometimes not as they sat with mugs in their hands as the morning slowly began. The memories are so numerous that JC could never remember them all; Justin dressed in boxers, in flannel pyjamas and his 'don't you dare say anything scowl', in clothes from the night before, rumpled, smudged and glassy eyed, and in old sweats that hung from his hips as he sat curled in a chair, mug held tight in one hand. Multiple Justins over multiple times and JC loves them all. 

When the last drops of coffee drip down with a final gurgle Justin reacts instantly, lifting up the steaming jug and filling a mug which he passes to JC before indicating himself with a sweep of his hand. 

"I'm going to grab a shower. I'll be out in five, okay?" Justin takes his coffee with him and JC knows he'll sip at it while showering and moisturising and doing all the other things that Justin has to do day-to-day. 

"I'll be here." 

JC grips the mug and resists the urge to follow into the bathroom. It's not that he doesn't want to, it's just it would be wrong. He knows that, it's just a shame that his body doesn't want to agree, as it reminds him that watching Justin shower is a _good_ thing and one that's happened many times before. 

Fighting temptation, JC sips at his drink, taking a sharp breath when the scalding liquid hits his tongue. He knows he needs a clear head today and that means no sex, however much he wants it. Pure willpower makes him stand and walk away from the bathroom, and he curls up on the couch. Head resting against the cool glass of the window, he cups his coffee in his hands, enjoying the warmth against his skin as he idly looks outside. 

It's still dark and all JC can see are vague shapes and lights that flash by, a moving background to his own reflection. Steam from his mug mists the widow making his face blurry and indistinct and JC swipes his fingers across the patch, leaving tracks that show stripes of himself, pale skin, dark hair and eyes shadowed with the early start and the grind of constant promotion. 

When the window mists again JC lets it, looking around the bus instead. He can hear the sound of the shower and the constant hum of tires against the road, noises that calm and spark yet more memories from a thousand different journeys. Sometimes it seems like he's spent half his life on buses, with four others, then two, then alone. He remembers being young and fearless, all squashed on one bus together , none of them with any idea of what lay ahead. 

Not that they'd change things though, even the bad had some purpose. JC knows that, and he takes a sip of his coffee as the memory fades, the old cold bus of the past becoming the luxurious one he's travelling on now, complete with Justin standing, watching him with a half smile. 

"You looked far away," Justin comments as he walks closer. He's wearing jeans now, low slung on his narrow hips but holds his t-shirt, throwing it onto the couch as he rubs briskly as his hair with a blue towel. 

"Just remembering back when. That first crappy bus we had." 

"The one that smelled rank and had windows that rattled all the damn time?" Justin stops towelling his hair, leaving it stuck up in wild curls. "It was always too hot or too cold and you couldn't move without bumping into someone else. That was a good bus." Justin smiles and JC can tell he's reliving his own memories. He suddenly sits down next to JC with a thump. "I prefer this one though." 

"Who wouldn't, man?" JC says with a laugh. Nostalgia is all well and good but a bus like this represents years of hard work and success. JC might not change any of his past, but it doesn't mean he'd want to relive it. "This is a sweet set up you have." 

"The best money can buy," Justin states casually, as he drops his towel and pulls on his t-shirt, voice muffled from inside the fabric. "It's good, just lonely at times." 

"Even with your megastar girlfriend attached to your hip?" JC hates how he sounds, accusing and jealous, and he snaps shut his mouth as Justin looks up. "Wait, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." 

"Yeah, you should." Justin sounds resigned and picks at a hole in his jeans, pulling at the threads as JC waits for him to continue. "I like spending time with her. She's awesome and I love her a lot." 

JC fights to maintain his composure when Justin stops speaking. He wants to run away, or shake Justin and make him continue, or find Cameron and gouge at her eyes for winning this fight by default, her sex the only thing JC can never match. Instead he clenches his fists and reminds himself to breathe. 

"But there's one big problem, she's not you." 

JC can hardly believe what he's hearing and looks at Justin for confirmation, but Justin snatches up his damp towel and walks away. 

"Justin..." 

Justin hesitates for a second before continuing on to the bathroom. When he reaches the door he turns back, expression shuttered as he says. "I know what you're going to say. 'Career comes first', you've told me that often enough, and I've always agreed with you. Hell, I still do, I know how important my, _our_ careers are ." Justin looks away blinking, then looks back up. "How we made that stupid promise way back when I didn't think it would still apply now." 

"You remember that?" JC asks, and he's transported to another time when a promise was sealed in spit and they crouched behind the Mouse Club set and vowed to conquer the world. 

"How could I forget?" Justin sounds resigned. "It's all I held onto at first, that the hard work would be worth it when we conquered the world, and now we have. _I_ have and it's not enough. I guess I want more." 

Justin forces a smile then disappears into the bathroom. All JC can do is watch him go. 

That wasn't what he was going to say at all. 

~*~*~*~ 

When Justin comes back out nothing more is said. The words hang in the air, tainting the atmosphere with expectation but Justin seems determined to ignore them. JC takes his lead, grateful for any respite but cursing the fear that ties his own tongue, leaving him unable to ask why it has to be like this. Why does Justin suddenly need more now, after all of those years where JC had to learn that the only way to love Justin was to share him. It's an injustice that stings. The qualities that make JC love Justin will also tear them apart because if Justin wants more, Cameron will always win. She can be part of the white picket fences and roses lifestyle, and JC can't, at least not with Justin. It's as simple as that. 

Neither of them say anything, just they curl together on the couch. The early hour, combined with the rumble of the road, makes JC heavy eyed and sleepy as he rests his head against Justin's shoulder, memorising every moment, the feel of short hair on his cheek, the dig of bone against his hip and the feeling of _rightness_ that surrounds them as always. There's some kind of talk show on the TV, some guy JC's never seen and doesn't care about, but Justin seems interested, listening intently to tales of romantic angst before he turns the channel, forehead creased in a frown. 

"Maybe we should apply," JC says, laughing, even though it really isn't funny at all. "Justin Timberlake, torn between his male lover and his movie star girlfriend. Who will he pick? Stay tuned to find out." He sighs, imagining them on stage and rests his hand on Justin's knee, which is abruptly dislodged as Justin jumps to his feet. 

"It's not like that." Justin sounds stricken and he looks at the floor, breathing deeply before looking up. "Not now anyway. It was okay before, but I've grown up I guess." 

Cursing himself for joking about a topic that's too raw, JC sits up straight, all of his attention on Justin. "You really think it's time to settle down?" 

Justin fixes JC with a look. "It feels like the right time. I just need more, you know?" 

"I know." JC says, and he does know, has always known Justin would settle down one day, he just didn't think it would be so soon. 

"I need to go phone Chris, he worries if I don't check in at least once a day." Justin rolls his eyes and grabs his phone off the table with a last quick look at JC. "I won't be long." 

"Tell him hi," JC says, before settling back and makes himself comfortable. If Justin's gone to the bedroom, it means he wants privacy to talk and that means a long wait whatever Justin says. 

~*~*~*~ 

The sun wakes JC and he squints, rubbing at his eyes against the brightness that seers his brain. His whole body feels cramped and stiff and he straightens his legs and stretches his arms with a wide yawn. Looking at his watch he sees he's been out for almost an hour, lulled to sleep by the soft sound of Justin's voice as he talked on his cell. Justin's still talking now, bare feet visible through the open door to the bedroom, and JC imagines him lying prone on the big bed, phone tucked against his ear. 

Then Justin's feet vanish and he appears in the doorway, walking toward JC as he keeps talking. 

"He's awake now...I'll talk to you soon...As soon as I know something, promise....Same to you moron...yeah, love you too." Justin passes over his cell, holding it out in front of him. "He wants to talk to you; I'm going to make breakfast." 

JC takes the phone and yawns wide and loud before holding it to his ear. 

"Hey, Chris..." 

_"You've managed to string two words together right after just waking up. I'm impressed and proud."_ Chris sniffs, followed by a soft brush of skin against skin, and JC knows he's wiping away an imaginary tear 

"I've been up for hours," JC protests and stifles another yawn behind his hand. "Now did you want something or are you just here to make fun?" 

_"I want to know what you've said to J. He called me and talked my ear off for almost an hour. I could hardly concentrate on the game with his babbling."_

"I thought you made him check in once a day anyway?" 

" _As if. It's not me making him phone."_ Chris' voice drops as he whispers, _"Between you and me, I think he can't get through the day without hearing my voice."_

"Sure, right." JC shakes his head because he's not about to try and analyse Justin and Chris' friendship. It works and that's all that matters in the end. 

_"Seriously, what did you say? Because despite all the non-information, I get the impression he isn't happy, and apart from an attack of nerves he was fine last night. In fact he was more excited than anything."_

"I didn't say anything." JC feels like shouting the words but whispers them instead, aware at all times of Justin's proximity. "He's been telling me how he's going to be exclusive with Cam; it's not my fault if that makes him unhappy." 

"He said that?" 

Chris sounds surprised, and JC rubs at his eyes with one hand, gripping Justin's cell hard with the other. "Not in so many words, but that's what he meant." 

_"Are you sure about that? Because he hasn't said anything to me and I'm not saying he tells me everything."_ Chris stops talking, and JC can imagine him sitting in his chair, frowning at his phone. _"But he does tell me everything important, especially if it's to do with us. I know you haven't asked for my advice but I'm going to give you it anyway. Talk to him."_

"I'll try," JC says and he looks at Justin who's clearly trying not to listen by rummaging loudly in the small fridge, providing a perfect view of his denim clad ass as he bends down. 

_"Good, because I don't want Timberlake to keep phoning when I'm trying to watch TV. I've already missed one game because of this; if I miss another I'm going to sic Lance on you and tell him you *accidentally* lost those jean jewels he gave you"_

"You suck, Kirkpatrick" 

_"As good as Justin?"_

"Not as good as Justin, no," JC laughs at Chris' noise of disbelief. "You asked, man!" 

JC imagines Chris, protesting at the answer with a huge grin. He'll be sitting in a chair, feet and hand tapping after spending so long talking, his energy building before he has to jump to his feet and pace. It's a vivid picture, and as Chris finishes making gagging sounds, all JC wants to do is see him face to face and catch up for real. 

"You're meeting us next week, right?" 

_"I'm sure I can make some time in my packed schedule for you."_ Chris hesitates, and all JC can hear is the sound of a muted TV until he speaks again. _"Talk to him, okay?."_

"I will. Thanks, man." JC says and he winds down the conversation. "See you soon, cat." 

"I hear you've been babbling in Chris' ear." JC says as Justin sits next to him, and is unsurprised when Justin snorts with disgust. 

"Me? He was babbling in _my_ ear," Justin says. He's looking down into the bowl he's holding as he concentrates on poking at the floating cereal with his spoon. "You know Chris; he never shuts up. He's a moron." Justin smiles fondly, as he finishes playing with his cereal and places his bowl on the floor so he can turn around and lean on JC. It takes some manoeuvring but eventually they're comfortable, fitting together like always, Justin's head against JC's shoulder. 

"JC." Justin reaches for JC's hand, rubbing his thumb across the palm. "Is it so selfish to want it all?" 

"Why shouldn't you?" JC answers at last, shivering at Justin's soft touch. He knows his answer is skirting the question but what's he supposed to say? Justin is Justin, a contradiction of a man; self obsessed but always thinking of others. Chasing solo stardom while never forgetting he's part of a group. Loving hard and fast and basking in the love that's returned. He expects a lot but gives so much too; JC knows that, the same way he knows Justin was raised thinking a wife and children were an important part of his future. The same way he knows Justin's afraid of cutting his last tie to heterosexuality and his dream of a normal life. 

Which is fine, because JC's afraid too, and he knows he has to wait for Justin to walk away, which he will do because as much as JC wants Justin to have it all, that's impossible, no matter how much they wish it. 

~*~*~*~ 

"I've been working on these, do you want to see?" 

Justin holds out a notebook toward JC, the same battered notebook that contains most of their songs. The blue cover is stained now, testament to years of rough handling but somehow there always seem to be blank pages inside. Reaching for the book JC settles back, aware Justin is standing, watching him as he reads through the songs on the most recent pages. 

They're good, a mixture of solo and group pieces and JC can't help imagining how _Always There_ will sound with all five of them singing, and the haunting sound of _Without You_ when Justin makes it his own. 

"You've been writing for us," JC says. It's not that he's surprised, he isn't, but seeing physical proof that Justin still sees himself as part of Nsync is always good. 

"Why wouldn't I be?" Justin sounds puzzled and he sits next to JC. "I've never stopped writing for us. You know that." He frowns a little then points at one of the pages. "I really like that one, it's a bit heavy on the top notes but Chris can hit them easy. It's this bit I'm struggling on." 

JC looks at where Justin points and narrows his eyes, imagining how the song will sound when it's sung as Justin has it. "I think you need to change the third line. It's clunky as it is. Why don't you change that line and tie these two together, then you can go higher on the next part." 

"Wait, tie them together? That'll make it too long." Justin protests but it's half-hearted and JC knows he's interested in the change. 

"No, no it won't. Is there a pen anywhere?" JC asks and he holds out a hand as Justin hurries to get a pen from a drawer. "Change this here, and swap those around." JC tries to show what he means, then sighs when he realises there's nothing to rest on. "Come down here." 

He slides to the floor and lies on his stomach as Justin does the same so they're face to face, the notebook between them as they argue about word choices and rhyme. The carpet is rough against JC's skin, and he can feel every bump on the road, but none of that matters as they painstakingly work on the song. Soon it's a mess of crossed out words and added lines but it'll be good, they both know that. 

"I wish I knew how Joey would sound in this part." Justin has his chin propped on his hand as he stares down at the book. He's tapping the pen against the floor and frowning, lost in the song. JC thinks he's never looked so beautiful, with the winter sun bathing him in its light and his hair still sticking up in wild curls. 

"Phone him then." 

At JC's suggestion Justin quickly gets to his feet. After a few frantic moments looking for his cell he finally finds it stuffed behind a cushion and hits speed dial four. 

"Joey, I need you to sing something for me." Justin says as soon as he hears a reply. "For both of us, I'm putting you on conference, okay?" 

He's already lowering the phone, and Joey obviously doesn't hear the last part, because his voice suddenly booms out from the speaker. 

"Justin? I didn't catch that, man? Are you still there?" 

It's good to hear Joey again, and JC smiles at the phone. 

"Yeah," Justin says, "I'm here I just --" 

"So, man? How's the love affair of the century? Is there news?" 

"No -- I --" Justin looks up quickly, then down at the notebook again. "No news. JC's here." 

"Hey, man," JC says. "What's up?" 

_"C?"_ Joey questions, but JC can hear the smile in his voice. _"I'm good, stuck in traffic and wondering what kind of sadist would schedule a rehearsal this early but otherwise, things are good."_

'The love affair of the century'. News. Even if Justin hasn't been talking to Chris, he's obviously been talking to someone. 

"That's great, Joe," Justin says. "But can you sing this before I go crazy?" 

JC hears Joey laugh, clearly unbothered by Justin butting in. _"It's good to hear from you too, Justin. Did you not hear me say that I'm stuck in traffic? If I sing here, people will think I'm insane."_

"What else is new?" Justin asks, causing Joey to laugh more. 

_"Fine. Tell me the lines then and I'll do my best."_

"The lines are _When you're gone, I miss you, you're so important to me. I'll wait right here forever, for your love will set me free_. Imagine you're singing it to Bri. You'll be singing right under Chris for this one, so try for what you think will work." Justin sings a sketch of Chris' part then frowns at the phone as Joey remains silent; all they can hear is muffled traffic noise then suddenly Joey sings. He's loud and clear and sounds wonderful, able to pick up what Justin needs from only a few words. 

_"Is that what you needed?"_

"Try it a little higher this time and draw out the forever." Justin listens intently as Joey does as he says, then frowns as he scowls at his notebook. "That's better, but I'm still not getting it. Can you..." 

_"Justin, wait. I'm at the theatre now; I can't keep sitting here in the taxi singing for you."_ Joey's voice is suddenly muffled as he pays the driver, then he speaks clearly again. _"I have to go in now, and if you want I'll phone later, but I'll be meeting up with you guys next week, can't we do this then?"_

"I guess we can figure out the bugs when we meet up." Justin grins happily at JC. "I can't wait to see you and work on it." 

_"Me too."_ There's the sound of a door banging, and Joey's voice echoes. _"I really have to go now, phone me later, okay?"_

"I will. Have a good rehearsal." 

"Yeah, knock them dead, man." JC stops himself from waving at the phone then looks up with a grin when Justin snaps it shut and stands, offering JC a hand to pull him to his feet. 

"I need to record this before we forget." Justin heads to his keyboard and mic in his bedroom, leaving JC standing alone in the lounge.He wants to follow, needing to be close, but he doesn't. Instead he sits on the couch, head resting on his hands as he remembers the hard truth, that Justin is Cam's now. 

~*~*~*~ 

"I wish you'd change your mind." 

JC doesn't look up from the magazine he's reading, just keeps his head down, remaining still as if the slightest movement would send Justin away. 

"I know how hard it was to get where we are, and I don't want to lose that, not for anything, so I guess I understand. It's just...this sucks." 

He breaks off and JC finally looks up. Justin's standing in the kitchen, arms crossed and expression set. He looks determined as he says the words but his eyes tell the real story. 

"Sucks is an understatement," JC says, and he lets the magazine slide out of his hand, trying to ignore the lump that threatens to close his throat. He knew it would come to this, but never thought it would be so hard, and he jumps to his feet, needing space. "Are you hungry? I am. I'm going to ask the driver to stop at the next service stop." 

He hurries away, ignoring Justin saying his name, and knocks on the partition that separates the driver from the bus. "Can we stop at the next rest station?" 

"If it's okay by Justin, it's okay by me." The driver looks past JC at Justin for confirmation, then reaches for his radio. "I'll tell the other bus we're stopping." 

Just minutes later they do, pulling into a tiny parking lot while JC zips up his coat. Justin watches him, expression puzzled, but he says nothing, just heads off to the bedroom and reappears dressed for outside. 

JC makes no comment, just hurries down the bus steps as soon as the doors open, then starts to walk. It's bitterly cold and the wind whips across the almost empty parking lot. JC blinks against the sharp snow flurries that batter his face and he burrows deeper in his coat, shivering as he hurries toward the small diner. He looks back once when he reaches the door, unsurprised to see Justin and a bodyguard following and they all push their way inside where they stand panting and shaking snow from their hair. 

A couple in a booth look up when the bell rings above the door but no one else takes any notice, ignoring the new arrivals in favour of their food. That suits JC fine, and he takes off his coat, hanging it on the old fashioned stand next to the door, before sliding into a booth. 

Justin slides in the other side, their knees pressed together as they sit in silence. Picking up the plastic menu, JC pretends to read but in reality he's watching Justin biting at his fingernail, obviously far away in his thoughts. His hair is damp and tiny droplets glisten at the edge of his eyelashes, catching the light of the neon sign outside, blue to red then back again. Then Justin blinks and looks up and he seems so lost that it hurts to see. 

"Justin." JC reaches for Justin's hand then checks himself. Holding hands in public is something they can't do, so he grabs the salt shaker instead, running his thumb over the top, the small holes grating against his skin. 

"I wish it didn't have to be like this." Justin says the words softly and he rubs at his face once before looking at JC once more. "I do love you, always have. But I suppose this is best for everyone." Justin breaks off and he goes back to scrubbing at his face with his hand. 

"I know," JC says, forcing a smile, determined that if this has to end it'll end well. Justin deserves that at least, an uncomplicated break up before he starts his new life. No more hiding or lies, only a relationship that can survive in the glare of the public and the love of a woman who can always be there. "I wish things could be different too." He stops, runs his finger through the salt that's spilt onto the table, says softly "I'm sorry I can't give you what you need." 

"You've nothing to be sorry for," Justin says and he rests his hand on the table, just close enough that his fingers brush JC's. 

"I'm not hungry anymore." JC suddenly stands, stumbling as he hurries to get out of the booth. He needs to get outside, away from Justin who looks as miserable as JC's ever seen him. "You stay, eat. I'll be in the bus." He walks out the diner wanting Justin to stay behind but _needing_ him to follow. Justin stays; and JC doesn't look back as he walks outside, almost running to the bus. 

He shivers when he gets onboard. He's not cold anymore, but still wraps his arm around himself as he sits down and looks outside. It's easy to see Justin through the large cafe window, the way he sits, head resting in his hands, projecting nothing but misery. All JC wants to do is offer comfort, and he almost stands, torn between doing what's needed and what he really wants to do. 

"This is stupid," JC says to himself and he looks for his bag, jumping up and digging through it to find his cell. Once he finds it he sits back down, hitting quick dial three before looking back at Justin who remains frozen through the layers of glass. 

" _JC, hi._ " 

JC relaxes a little when Lance picks up, knowing that calling him the first step of getting away. "I'm heading your way soon, is it okay to come visit?" 

_"Heading where? Florida?"_ "Is that where you are? Because if so, that's where I'm heading." 

_"Wait a minute,"_ Lance says. JC hears him talking softly to someone, followed by the sound of footsteps. _"I am in Florida and you know you can visit anytime, but why? I thought you were spending some time with Justin?"_

"I was. I'm with him now but I'm going to take off soon, things aren't going so well." As explanations go it's an understatement, but JC can't begin to describe how miserable he feels stuck on the bus, watching Justin all hunched up and small. "We've sort of decided to split up and I'd go home but there's no one there and Justin will be calling Chris and Joey's so busy..." 

_"Slow down, like I said there's always room for you here and you can stay as long as you like. Just let me know your flight times and I'll pick you up."_

"Thanks, man. I'll do that." JC deliberately looks away from Justin and mentally unpacks his bag as he works out what clothes need sending for. As he pictures shirts and jeans he can almost hear Lance thinking and isn't surprised at all when he suddenly talks. _"You don't have to tell me, but why? You've been together for years now, isn't this sudden?"_

"Not really, it's been building for a while. You know how it is; people grow up and want more. At least that's what Justin said, and that means, Cameron." 

" _Have you asked Justin what he means?_ " Lance asks, sounding unconvinced." _Because that would be the sensible thing to do._ " He hesitates and JC can almost see his resigned expression. _"You haven't have you? You were just going to run away"_

"I thought I did," JC says. He tries to remember the last hours, Lance's breathing a reassuring background noise. The whole day has been a whirlwind of emotions and half conversations, and now JC is unsure if he's asked at all. 

" _Thought's not good enough,_ " Lance says and JC listens to a series of thumps that suggest that Lance is moving as he talks. " _Your relationship is too important to take that chance._ " 

"But what if I ask and he picks Cameron? Someone who'll give him what he wants." 

" _Which is?_ " Lance prompts. 

"You know Justin; he wants the white picket fence and all it means. Two point five Justin juniors and a wife whom he can show off in public." JC can picture the scene easily and groans, letting his head bang against the window. 

" _I say this with the utmost respect, but you're an idiot._ " Lance sounds exasperated, and JC imagines him scowling at the phone. _"You need to ask Justin, JC. Even if he says he does want her at least you'll know, and then you can come here and mope before moving on._ " 

"If he says he's leaving me for her can we can scratch her car and trash talk her online?" 

_"In an instant. I've got the perfect keys, just right to leave a good scratch."_ Lance laughs, low and familiar. _"But I don't think you'll need me somehow, so get off the line and talk to Justin."_

"Thanks, man. I'll let you know what happens." JC hangs up but leaves the cell in his hand as he keeps watching Justin. He takes a deep breath and presses speed dial one before he loses his nerve. Justin looks up and reaches for his own cell, turning toward the bus when he sees the display. 

_"JC?"_

"Do you want a wife and two point five Justin juniors? A white picket fence and all that goes with it? Because I love you and want to be with you, but thought you wanted Cam, but Lance thinks I'm an idiot and I should ask you. So I have." JC stops, his heart beating like crazy as he watches Justin slide out of the booth. 

_"You're totally an idiot, or I am, because I understood all that. Wait there."_ Justin ends the call and JC does the same, letting his cell drop to the floor as he watches the door to the diner burst open as Justin runs out and over to the bus. 

"JC," Justin says as he comes inside. He stands next to the door, shifting from foot to foot "I don't want a wife. I don't want two point five Justin juniors even if it would be interesting to see the point five." His confidence seems to drain away. "While we're asking questions, do you still think career comes before everything? Because if you do that's okay, I can wait. That is if you want me too." 

"What makes you think that?" JC asks in confusion. 

"The promise. We said career always comes first and it has, for both of us and I though..." 

"We were kids when we made that promise," JC interrupts Justin. "I haven't thought that for a long while." 

"I think we need to talk," Justin says, and he's smiling now, moving closer, and bumping JC with his hip. 

"I think we do too." JC bumps back, automatically reaching for Justin as the bus starts to move, their journey starting once more.


End file.
